Rest, sweet Granny

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son

"Go Rest High On That Mountain" ~ Vince Gill

I lost one of my dearest friends today. My precious Granny. I cannot believe it has happened. My heart is completely broken and I have no idea what to do next. I feel so lost. She has been sick for so long. I don't wish her back in the shape she was in, but I would give anything for one more day. One more hour. One more minute.

Yesterday we took my daughter to see her in the hospital. During that time was the most she had opened her eyes and spoken in two days. She watched my daughter play around her room in childhood innocence. She smiled. The first time I've seen her smile in quite some time. I know, without a doubt, for a long time she has been living simply for my daughter.

I was on my way to visit her today when she passed. I will never forgive myself for not getting there sooner. Just 30 minutes sooner and I could have been with her as she passed. Maybe it was better for her that I wasn't there. I was her only granddaughter and she devoted herself to me for so long. Maybe my being there would have made it harder for her to go. Maybe I give myself too much credit.

My aunts say that today she never opened her eyes or spoke. They held her hands and she did squeeze Aunt Paula's hand, so I am sure she knew she wasn't alone. She deserves this peaceful rest so much. Her last couple of years of life have not been the best. I am sure Pappy was there waiting for her when she passed.

Now comes the very hard part of living without her. How am I going to do it?