What a day

Thursday is my normal day to clean my Aunt Z's house. She shared a house with my Granny and Pappy. Today was the first time we've been back in the "normal" routine since Granny passed. It was awful. I walked into the house and it was so empty. I was expecting to see Granny when I walked in the back door sitting in her chair, like normal. Just two Thursdays ago (the last time I cleaned), she was there. Now, nothing. I was used to having her there for short conversations between tasks, but it was just silent. When 11:30 rolled around and it was time for Y&R, I expected the TV to be blasting with the latest story of Genoa City. Instead, it was silent. When she would blast the TV, I would sometimes be annoyed. Today I would have given anything to hear the TV at a level you could hear on the moon and have her sitting there half asleep.

I don't know how I am ever going to accept the fact that I can no longer see her. Hear her voice. I talk to her all the time, but of course it's not the same. I know it's selfish to want her back, and I don't want her back in the condition she was in. However, I would love to have her back as the Granny from my childhood. I was the apple of her eye. To her, I hung the moon. I'll never have that with anyone else. I wouldn't want it with anyone else.

They say time is a healer. I can't imagine that is going to be the case with me.